I took a time out for myself. I’m not used to doing that. I’m used to masking my need for time alone and immersing it with time with others. I used to think my “down time” was going out with friends, and just having a great movie night, or drinking and talking and gushing and communicating, and sharing…
And I’m exhausted.
Once again, inspiration has sprung from a movie – a movie I’ve quoted on here before…. The Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood.
Right before Ashley Judd’s character (she’s the young mother) falls off the deep end, she goes away – and stays in a hotel – all by herself. (See the video via - around 6min 40 secs) I remembered thinking – how sad. How depressing an existence that is to do that. To be away from your children, to be away from your husband, to be away from friends and family? How sad that must be, and how sad the person must be to do it.
With all the things that are going on in my life right now – I called a time out for myself, and said, “self – if you were to go somewhere and be alone, where would you want to be.” At first I yelled at myself, berated myself. Alone? Are you insane? Why would I EVER want to be alone? Why would I EVER want to be away from that adorable beautiful wonderful family that I have? Calmly, a voice replied, because you are sinking. And you need a timeout.
You have two choices, you can either have a timeout and try to get yourself back on your two feet, or you’re going to sink and drown, and you’re going to drag that beautiful wonderful amazing family down with you.
What are you going to do?
My reply was simply – the ocean. When I am alone, the happiest I am, ever will be, ever was, was when I was by the ocean water. I inherited that from my mother. She loved the ocean Whenever she was sad, she said – she’d go to the ocean and hash things out. Not necessariy with anyone, just with herself.
So – here I am. In front of an ocean, trying to hash things out inside, and all I can think about is – what am I going to have for dinner… when am I going to shower… It’s definitely getting cold.. yada yada yada. I suppose it very much an “eat pray love – trying to meditate” moment.
It’s beautiful here. The surf is only about 50 feet away – and I’m at the furthest point on the beach that I can be away from the waves. My room is right above me. I can technically write this up there – rather than here – on the beach – where I think the sand is messing with my keyboard. But – there’s something amazing about being able to type your blog, hash out your feelings, and get connected to yourself, on the beach – with a huge electronic toy. (wink.)
I’m all alone.
There are other people here – but they don’t know me from a hole in the wall. (never did get that saying). I’ve been sitting here on the beach since about 2:30ish. It’s 6:12. And the blaring question on my mind is – where am I going to eat. Out – or in?
But it shouldn’t be right? It should be the deeper questions – like – why am I here… what do I need to make me happy – what am I going to do about all the heavy?
And I’ve decided. No. It’s not.
An adult time out is about you. Whatever you want it to be to jolt you out of the same mundane thought pattern, to rejuvenate you. It could be going away (something drastic like me) – or a simple something by yourself. But – effeciely – the only one rule I suppose I have in my own head which I will impose on no one is – you have to be alone. Timeouts are for you. All for you. To be alone. And still…
And see if you can stand yourself. Because then – and only then – will you start listening to yourself. Not – focusing on yourself – because – let’s be honest – you focus on yourself all the time. You are probably 100% consumed with yourself. But – how often do you actually ask and answer the question, “what do I need?” much less – “what do I want?”
People are often telling themselves what they SHOULD need and what they SHOULD want. Which is why – it’s not a good idea to have anyone around when you’re in timeout mode. Because other people have this annoying little tendency to want to socialize and talk. I know – I know. I am a very BIG offender of that myself. But – when you need to put yourself in a timeout, you need to hear yourself. And that means, no chitty chatty talky socialize time. Other than that – no rules.
I spent a lot of time putzing around myself. For frick’s sake – it took me a whole 4 hours to get here. Then there was that whole eat lunch thing. Then I was on the beach – reading smutty magazines (a very guilty pleasure… right up there with surfing porn (hey – don’t judge me. If you say you’ve never done it – you’re probably lying – or worse – oppressed!…)) then I think I fell asleep. Then – I started writing. I’m freezing by the way. It’s a balmy 70 degrees where I am – with a wind chill factor of winds off the Atlantic at a warm 68 degrees – or thereabouts – (insert your local weather person’s name here) I am not.
And now – the question is – what do I want.
WHAT!?
The rest is between you and your timeout session.
Boy – there is nothing like crashing waves, and salt in the air to clear a mind.
And I’m exhausted.
Once again, inspiration has sprung from a movie – a movie I’ve quoted on here before…. The Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood.
Right before Ashley Judd’s character (she’s the young mother) falls off the deep end, she goes away – and stays in a hotel – all by herself. (See the video via - around 6min 40 secs) I remembered thinking – how sad. How depressing an existence that is to do that. To be away from your children, to be away from your husband, to be away from friends and family? How sad that must be, and how sad the person must be to do it.
With all the things that are going on in my life right now – I called a time out for myself, and said, “self – if you were to go somewhere and be alone, where would you want to be.” At first I yelled at myself, berated myself. Alone? Are you insane? Why would I EVER want to be alone? Why would I EVER want to be away from that adorable beautiful wonderful family that I have? Calmly, a voice replied, because you are sinking. And you need a timeout.
You have two choices, you can either have a timeout and try to get yourself back on your two feet, or you’re going to sink and drown, and you’re going to drag that beautiful wonderful amazing family down with you.
What are you going to do?
My reply was simply – the ocean. When I am alone, the happiest I am, ever will be, ever was, was when I was by the ocean water. I inherited that from my mother. She loved the ocean Whenever she was sad, she said – she’d go to the ocean and hash things out. Not necessariy with anyone, just with herself.
So – here I am. In front of an ocean, trying to hash things out inside, and all I can think about is – what am I going to have for dinner… when am I going to shower… It’s definitely getting cold.. yada yada yada. I suppose it very much an “eat pray love – trying to meditate” moment.
It’s beautiful here. The surf is only about 50 feet away – and I’m at the furthest point on the beach that I can be away from the waves. My room is right above me. I can technically write this up there – rather than here – on the beach – where I think the sand is messing with my keyboard. But – there’s something amazing about being able to type your blog, hash out your feelings, and get connected to yourself, on the beach – with a huge electronic toy. (wink.)
I’m all alone.
There are other people here – but they don’t know me from a hole in the wall. (never did get that saying). I’ve been sitting here on the beach since about 2:30ish. It’s 6:12. And the blaring question on my mind is – where am I going to eat. Out – or in?
But it shouldn’t be right? It should be the deeper questions – like – why am I here… what do I need to make me happy – what am I going to do about all the heavy?
And I’ve decided. No. It’s not.
An adult time out is about you. Whatever you want it to be to jolt you out of the same mundane thought pattern, to rejuvenate you. It could be going away (something drastic like me) – or a simple something by yourself. But – effeciely – the only one rule I suppose I have in my own head which I will impose on no one is – you have to be alone. Timeouts are for you. All for you. To be alone. And still…
And see if you can stand yourself. Because then – and only then – will you start listening to yourself. Not – focusing on yourself – because – let’s be honest – you focus on yourself all the time. You are probably 100% consumed with yourself. But – how often do you actually ask and answer the question, “what do I need?” much less – “what do I want?”
People are often telling themselves what they SHOULD need and what they SHOULD want. Which is why – it’s not a good idea to have anyone around when you’re in timeout mode. Because other people have this annoying little tendency to want to socialize and talk. I know – I know. I am a very BIG offender of that myself. But – when you need to put yourself in a timeout, you need to hear yourself. And that means, no chitty chatty talky socialize time. Other than that – no rules.
I spent a lot of time putzing around myself. For frick’s sake – it took me a whole 4 hours to get here. Then there was that whole eat lunch thing. Then I was on the beach – reading smutty magazines (a very guilty pleasure… right up there with surfing porn (hey – don’t judge me. If you say you’ve never done it – you’re probably lying – or worse – oppressed!…)) then I think I fell asleep. Then – I started writing. I’m freezing by the way. It’s a balmy 70 degrees where I am – with a wind chill factor of winds off the Atlantic at a warm 68 degrees – or thereabouts – (insert your local weather person’s name here) I am not.
And now – the question is – what do I want.
WHAT!?
The rest is between you and your timeout session.
Boy – there is nothing like crashing waves, and salt in the air to clear a mind.
It’s nice.
