(500) Days of Summer

I love this movie. I love it love it love it. Love everything about it..

And - I have a bit of a crush on 3rd Rock from the Sun guy - who was just in the movie Inception...

This was him then... And this is a hottie picture of him now...

Okay - okay - so he's no David Beckham... but there is something about him that is extremely attractive..

But - enough about my crush on Joseph Gordon-Levitt....

Let me focus on what I'm trying to say.

If you want to see (500) Days of Summer - do not read the next paragraph! SPOILER LERT!!

Summer tells Tom that she doesn't want a relationship, but enters into what appears to be a relationship with him.. Tom, a hopeless romantic, assumes that Summer is like all other sappy girls (like me) and labels the relationship as a "relationship." Subsequently, they break up, and she marries another. Bitter, Tom has to confront the idea that there is no destiny, no true love, and try to get over Summer.

My focus isn't on Tom. It's on Summer.

She ends up "reverting" if you will - back to the girlish notion of 'romance' - the one that Tom subscribed to to begin with. BUT - when the movie started, she wasn't that girl, and to a certain extent, you didn't like her. Not because she's not adorable. Not because the movie tried to make you not like her, but something inside of you said - "that's not normal. She should want that guy more than this movie is pointing out." Even as the movie opens with "this is not a love story" - you hope that it is a love story. Then - you find out that it's not a love story because of HER - not because of HIM - which is how it usually goes.

I seem to be surrounded by strong women in my life. Between Luscious, Lily, DD, and one of my sisters.. I am attracted by very strong women - who believe in achieving their own - with or without men. They believe in the concept of just having fun, and not being tied downn by a man - necessarily. To a certain degree, they all retain that girlish need to be wanted, suited, but for the most part, they put themselves first.. Which is what, historically, men did.

What's bringing about this new breed of woman? Is it good? Is it bad?

Whatever it is, it is what it is...

I look at this because I love the independent woman, but I'm also incredibly unlike them. I'm not independent. In fact, I think my problem is that I'm too dependent.... on MCSquared. I'm sure he'd like me to be much much more independent.. But that too - is another blog.

I am so drawn to Summer, and all these other real women in my life. They recognize commonalities among themselves, and in fact, I've discussed it with them. The biggest commonality is that they're all a little bit afraid of commitment.

Okay - more than just a little afraid. More like commitment-phobic. But out of that fear I think grew something pretty amazing. Self-growth.

Women are striving to find a man, impress a man, get a man. For the most part, a woman educates herself, but it takes a bit of a back burner when a guy is around.... or love blossoms. The percentage of women who give up their careers for their men, or for their family is exponentially higher than men who do the same for their wives, or their families. This isn't a bad thing per se, but it leaves a woman always wondering - what would have happened if I took the other route... thought more about their own needs and wants and careers and goals.

My friends, I'm not sure if Summer is included, it didn't really go into her career, have this in common. They've strived for things they've wanted, discovered things about themselves that they've always wanted to uncover. Everyday is a struggle, however, because society's views usually creep in - in the form of nagging mothers and wondering girlfriends, and old friends moving on with their lives (meaning children...)

In the end, however - they focus on their own growth before they focus on finding a man. That's impressive... and hard to do against years and years of social engineering for women to focus on their families and their men.

I suppose that's why I'm a bit envious of it.

Metamorphosis

MCSquared got me a laptop.

For the past year (give or take a month) I haven't wanted to blog. I was going through some things in my life and I realized.... there are some things so deeply intimate in your life - that even if you didn't mean to discuss them in your daily life (you know - the life where you automatically put a mask on your face and remotely answer "fine" when someone said "hello" rather than "how are you" because you really aren't paying attention - life) they still seemed somehow to leak no matter how you tried to keep those worlds apart?

That was happening to me. I started reading my blogs from A Case of Dyang Part Deux (not A Case of Dyang - which I didn't really start this transformation in yet...) - and I was like - wow.. bummer.. Maybe I was the last to know that I was leaking... all over the place. Like a cup that runneth over.... or a vase with cracks.. Or maybe even that freakin monstrosity of a dam in chiner...

I was leaking.

So - I had to take another step back - and assess. My life - seemed - at that point - a series of step backs. A series of "time outs" if you will.

And now I'm back.

Transformed.

Not perfect. Not even better, necessarily. Just different.

It wouldn't be accurate to say that I changed into a completely different thing, as metamorphosis implies. My outsides are still the same. Some of my insides are as well. But - there is something fundamental that has changed - and it's kinda like it's different only because of the way the light hits it. I'm not necessarily just the object. I'm also the light that lights it. I've changed the angle of the light..

Suffice to say - I'm not going to go into much detail. It's not like you were holding your breathe for a full year to wait and see what mysteries prevented me from blogging. I just thought - if there were people out there reading - or were going to read in some time in the future - this hiatus deserves some sort of explanation.

And the explanation is simple.

Metamorphosis.