I was wondering. Isn't it fascinating that women are fascinated with their value? A woman's worth. I've heard that in a context of a song, in a book, Cosmopolitan magazine articles, endless discussions from girlfriends, from mothers to daughters... But I've never heard men write songs about a man's worth, or hear men talking to other men about their value and what they deserve.
I wonder why that is.
Do we women inherently not know how much we are worth - and have to constantly remind ourselves about how much that is? I'm really curious to know.
We hear it all the time. A stay at home mom would make six figures if she was in the workplace. Women are harder working than men, and more diligent, and do not reap the same benefits. A woman who has children retains 50-80% of the household duties and chores, and about the same percentage of childrearing. There seems to be a barrage of "how we women are so strong, dare I say even stronger than men" comparisons in the media. But I don't hear how there are endless stories about how men measure up.
Then - there is the area of "being treated right." Or "you're worth more than that." That argument can be made often for both sexes, depending on the type of person and the type of relationship - but more often than not it isn't. Yet, why is this mantra used over and over with women, and not men?
What is it about us that inherently needs to be reminded how much we are worth? What make us settle? Love? Money? Security?
I suppose you can argue that society has done it to women. Wo
men have been inherently devalued and had to "prove" themselves capable of producing an heir (even though - we all know who really holds the reigns on that one now...)... As a chinese woman, I know that there is a stigma of having girls over boys - so much that there was a period of time of mass gendercide of the female sex, and to a limited extent, today as well. That has inherently told us that we weren't worth as much. In addition, women in china were often sold off to the highest bidder. Not in sex trade, but into families so that they may produce heirs for that family. All in all - treated as commodities. I'd argue that there are similar stories throughout different races. Not that I'm doing any sort of research, but a search of mine own limited brain produces a scene from "Sense and Sensibility" to which all scholars turn to for historical reference, and there is a particular telling scene where Elinor argues with Edward that she cannot improve her rank through her own, but must marry to gain it. Once again, inferiority in it's ugliest form.
men have been inherently devalued and had to "prove" themselves capable of producing an heir (even though - we all know who really holds the reigns on that one now...)... As a chinese woman, I know that there is a stigma of having girls over boys - so much that there was a period of time of mass gendercide of the female sex, and to a limited extent, today as well. That has inherently told us that we weren't worth as much. In addition, women in china were often sold off to the highest bidder. Not in sex trade, but into families so that they may produce heirs for that family. All in all - treated as commodities. I'd argue that there are similar stories throughout different races. Not that I'm doing any sort of research, but a search of mine own limited brain produces a scene from "Sense and Sensibility" to which all scholars turn to for historical reference, and there is a particular telling scene where Elinor argues with Edward that she cannot improve her rank through her own, but must marry to gain it. Once again, inferiority in it's ugliest form. But then to make it inherent in all women, even those who didn't go through it?
The argument can also be made that not all women feel that way. That can be said about all generalizations - I suppose. But it must be common enough that articles and books, and songs touch some deep chord in women that these could produce some sort of profit for the creator... I don't hear a man saying, "wow! I really related to that song by Alicia Keys!!" - even though there WAS a line in there that referenced how real women knew real men came first.
One line is true however in this song, at the end of the day...
"She will if she can find a man who knows her worth...."
didn't read the whole thing in detail, but i'll say that society has hammered it into women over the generations, so even if the woman is doing just fine she'll still compare and look for some sort of validation...as for men, maybe many (or most?) just don't care if their worth is being measured in some way or another and so don't go on comparing and looking for that validation since they may already feel comfortable with themselves
ReplyDeleteIt has been less than a hundred years since men voted, by a very narrow margin, to allow women in America to vote - and even then, the inclusion of that provision in the proposed Amendment was really just a power play designed to derail the passage of the Amendment altogether. Society changes slowly, and the indoctrination runs very, very deep. I guess we women will stop questioning our worth when we finally decide that our own opinion is the only one that matters. Now, here's my question: as nurturers, are we ever going to be able to do that?
ReplyDelete@ anghang - I don't know. I think men care a lot about their "worth" - but it's monetary. I think a man feels down on himself when his wife is making more money - even if he is often the primary kid/caretaker or doing a lot of the chores around the house - which is invaluable for a woman. But - a man would never be treated badly by a woman, go outside, and then cry into a napkin asking himself, "why am I taking this?! Aren't I worth more? Can't she see that?!" Y'know?
ReplyDelete@Cynthia - But when we ask ourselves - aren't we worth more, inherently, don't we de-value ourselves anyway? Which is ultimately why we take bad behavior and settle with people/relationships/things? As nurturers, I think we are amazing creatures, and transcend our own insecurities. Mother's encouraging daughters to be better, strive for more, aim higher.. Which I think the disconnect is. A woman can do more, earn more, accomplish more than ever - much to the guidance of parents (mother included..) yet those nagging doubts still come back.. And you see highly successful (monetarily) women settle for men who treat them badly. Flip the situation around - and a man wouldn't think twice... or if he did - probably knew he was getting into that kind of relationship to begin with...
having been raised in a "italian" house hold, with crazy double standards...I wonder..."you throw like a girl", "you let a girl beat you?", "you are such a sissy"...I think the way men and boys make themselves feel worth is by comparing themselves to woman and girls...do they have the inferiority complex??? maybe...and maybe they should:-)
ReplyDeleteOh, Deb, I think you really may have something there! It is logical that they should be the ones with the inferiority complex. After all, we can do the one thing they cannot do - which is also the thing that drives them from the day they're born to the day they die. We control their posterity. How could they fail to resent us, at least subconsciously?
ReplyDelete