I haven't been posting anything for a while because I've been going through some tough times.. There's been a lot of setbacks, but a lot of breakthroughs too. Usually -I find that I hash things out on my blog - but I've also realized that I am also this side of private to share all the nitty gritty details of my life – with or without anonymizing the people in my life.. (sorry – I just Sarah Palin’d that word – but it seemed appropriate..)
In all the roughness of the past month or two – I find that for the most part – I’m doing alright. I’m getting by – and more importantly – I’m learning a lot about myself….
I’m not sure if I wrote this in another blog – maybe my previous one – but I love this story – because I seem to be able to apply it to my own life – all the time,,
The story goes like this:
“There was once a man who found a butterfly’s cocoon on the ground. He had noticed a slight hole in it – and that the butterfly within was STILL IN THERE and ALIVE. He saw how it was struggling to get out – and decided that he had to help the butterfly. He poked at the hole – and soon – opened a gap in it big enough for the butterfly to easily climb out. The butterfly climbed out of the cocoon and tried in vain to spread its withered looking wings. Soon thereafter it died. The man was confused. What happened? Why hadn’t the butterfly spread its wings to fly?! Turns out – the butterfly needed to use its own efforts to get out of the cocoon – because that effort would pump the blood it needed into its wings so that the wings gained enough strength once it was able to get out of the cocoon, and fly away.”
The moral of the story is – the guy was a freakin jerk.
Okay – just kidding. The moral of the story is (for this blog – I kid you not – I use this story in a lot of contexts.. You may see it again) – some suffering may be good – because in the end – the struggle make us stronger.
I’m finding that especially true for me right now.
Sometimes it feels better to just sit and rot in our cocoons. I mean – why not? It’s nice and warm. We’re protected from the outside world. We’re dry, and for the most part, we’ve got the food we need to eat. We have no idea what’s out there.. Why bother even venturing outside at all?
Some people don’t venture outside their own cocoons, and they are ever happy about it. It’s not a big deal to them at all. I don’t judge these people. I think the world is tough enough – and everyone’s got to find their own happiness – no matter what. I know a number of these people – and I adore them. I’m also sure that in their own ways – they’ve encountered these small little cocoons of change and have triumphed.
And – there’s nothing to say that the world we venture into IS guaranteed to be better than the one we left. Sometimes our eyes are opened, and we DO wish we chose the BLUE pill.
(Matrix reference… sorry about that – but I love that movie!! But - see the clip - via)
But – if you’re unhappy about where you are – then where’s the loss? I think the mind and body always try to seek a balance within. Not just ancient Chinese juju I’m talking about – but you know when you’re off a little-both in happiness and sickness. When you’re unhappy – you feel it. You may not be able to recognize the origin of that unhappiness, but it’s there. And – when it is to the extent that it throws you off balance (which is when you start to notice it to the point where you actually ARE unhappy.. because – let’s face it – there are moments of the day where you might feel a little uhappy – but for the most part – they’re fleeting moments and have no true impact on your overall psyche..) there has to be enough of it for you to move into action.
Being generally unhappy is not good enough. I know a number of people whose personalities err on the side of unhappy, and they’re perfectly okay with that… Some people find happiness in their unhappiness. I’m not going to judge these people either. Like I said – everyone’s gotta find their own way.. Just don’t rain on my parade is MY motto.
But when you’re unhappy enough to the point where you need to find that balance again – a lot of times, you venture out of the cocoon – because the cocoon is not feng shuied enough. Not enough to balance your new needs. It worked at one point, but now you must move on.
Then – the work begins.
It’s not easy – change. Change is hard work. A lot of times, it opens up the closets in the house we call our brain, and skeletons come pouring out. Skeletons we spent many painstaking years trying to conceal. The difficulty with change comes in trying to deal with these skeletons, because you need to confront your skeletons, before you can get past it and get to the real change. For the most part, we don’t have to deal with ALL of them… just enough of them to effectuate some real change.
Sometimes we fail.. because it’s just too hard. But – other times, when we are able to get through it – it is brilliant.
I’m not there yet. I’m still struggling to get through it. I’m so focused on this right now – that everything else takes second seat. But – I’m emerging somewhat for air… and when I do – I see a glimpse of the shoreline of my destination – and it is beautiful.
I’m going to spread my wings… because I just screamed at the guy that was trying to help me – and said – I gotta do this all by myself man!! I’m gonna spread these wings, even if it kills me.
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